"Why Your Catholic Men’s Group Will Eventually Fold" by Rob Marco

 You can read the original source here.

Many of the men who are in most need of Catholic male fellowship are in the worst position to make it happen: mid-career, young and growing family, demands on time to balance everything...anything that isn’t work or family gets pushed to the back burner.

  

When my wife and I first got married, we didn’t have many friends who were practicing Catholics. I had to fish for a college friend to be the godfather of our firstborn, and I attended a Protestant Bible study for six years because I couldn’t find a Catholic one. We felt alone as we slowly turned the boat toward the shores of Catholic orthodoxy.

So, I prayed. I prayed the prayer of St. Francis: “Lord, send me some brothers.” And, eventually, one by one, He did. A priest in our area was organizing a winter hike in single-digit temperatures and I got plugged in with some good, solid Catholic guys. I was very grateful for these guys; it seemed like the community, the band of brothers, I had been looking for.

I want to be clear about something here: none of what I’m about to write is reflective of these guys in particular. From other male Catholic friends I’ve talked to in other areas of the country, I’ve heard that they seem to deal with the same issues and challenges that I do here in my area. So, I think the issue is one of the idea of a Catholic men’s group in general, not a particular group specifically.

Anyone who has done a group project knows that some people are naturally “take charge” while others remain more passive and allow other people to lead. Men’s groups are no exception. In one sense, a group really needs that one guy (or two, or three) who can play the project-manager role and bring guys together, put the work in to build some structure and accountability, and keep men engaged.

The downside to this is twofold: firstly, the functioning of the group can become dependent on that one man without a sustainable system in place if and when he leaves, moves, or steps down. Secondly, the guy stepping into that role (usually because no one else wants to) can become resentful of the time and work he is putting in to make things happen, and he can become burned out in the process.

To overcome these obstacles, you could do the “President,” “Vice President,” “Secretary,” “Treasurer” thing, but then it becomes much less organic and more like a second job, something you have to do. Or you could just keep it unstructured and decentralized, with no one really leading the group. But men being men, it becomes easy to just not do or suggest anything then. Everyone becomes passive, or, at the very best, they rely on an organic approach in which things happen as they happen.

In my experience, guys do not just get together to talk in the same way women do. Men use one-third the number of words women do in a day, and their time spent together (for better or worse) needs to be structured around some kind of activity for it to work. This, too, is another kind of no-win trap. If there is a lack of activity or something to do or accomplish, men will not naturally spend time together for long. But the logistics of planning “things to do” often necessitates a point-guy to take charge and make it happen for the group. (See the previous section regarding the reticence of guys to step into this role.)

If there is no common vision—something to work toward or be challenged by, or some string that holds the group together—it becomes “guys hanging out.” That kind of group is easy to walk away from because it doesn’t require anything—no work, no accountability, no undertaking of any kind. Just show up and do whatever. But when you start actually requiring things of men, you run into the third problem, which is….

Many of the men who are in most need of Catholic male fellowship are in the worst position to make it happen: mid-career, young and growing family, demands on time to balance everything…anything that isn’t work or family gets pushed to the back burner. Which is largely understandable—and also a reason why many men’s groups peter out or become inactive. It isn’t a top priority, despite the lip service that is given to the need for strong men in the Church today. When the going gets tough, the tough get…busy.

Another issue I’ve seen that goes back to the problem of needing to “do” or “accomplish” something as men is that when that “task” is complete, there’s no real reason to stay connected with one another. I’ve done Exodus 90 twice, and while it is good at challenging men (cold showers, fasting, prayer, etc.), I hardly have any contact anymore with the men I’ve gone through the program with. Sure, it appeals to male sensibilities for a challenge, to be pushed, and to structure fellowship around a “thing” to focus on (i.e., the 90-day program), which is why it is a relatively successful Catholic program for men. But what then, on Day 91 and beyond? This is the challenge for any kind of program-based regimen to build male fellowship—when the program ends, so does the fellowship, largely.

Parish-based men’s programs suffer from the usual problem: since you are drawing from a limited scope of men based on parochial parameters, it skews older and tends to feel forced, inorganic, and unsustainable. Organizations like the Knights of Columbus do good work. They are good men. But, as a friend described them, they are largely “a civic group, and manpower for the parish.” They skew older as well, the uniforms are goofy (in my opinion), and the insurance thing is annoying. Not my thing. But that doesn’t mean a lot of men don’t gain benefit from it; just not many from my demographic. Maybe in another ten years or so I’ll get my second degree. Maybe.

“Virtual” groups have their own issues. I had to do a Zoom event for work recently; the night before, we had an in-person event. The energy was totally different. At the in-person event, there was an energy and buzz; the Zoom event was largely flat and tired. Zoom fatigue is real, especially when you use it for work. Sure, you don’t have the geographic constraints, but there is a lot lacking when you are not physically present with other men.

Virtual life is not real life. I’m going to say it again so the people in the back can hear: virtual life is not real life. The more one lives online, debating with internet strangers or going down reddit rabbit holes, the more underformed one’s character seems to be. For many men who live in more isolated areas, it’s a temptation for sure, due to being the “next best thing” to real life and in-person interaction. I get it. But I still believe social media and the like are a harmful experiment that we will wake up to years from now with massive societal damage to reckon for.

One of the things I was looking for most in a men’s group was the least easily found, and that was accountability. Despite the solidness of the guys in my local group, and our years of knowing each other, there are virtually none whom I feel I could rely on for spiritual accountability, nor guys who would trust me with that aspect of their lives. Maybe that’s just the way it is with men—we hide things easily and withdraw into ourselves, whether because of shame or how we are trained to be islands of one.

It’s inevitable that some guys will come and go, move, or have schedule changes that preclude them from staying involved in one group for years on end. To the extent that you are not bringing new guys in, you are failing to grow and may not be in a situation in which you can sustain the group over the years. It also becomes tempting to be comfortable and cliquey when you just keep it to a little club.

Every time I see a Catholic guy in a tweed jacket or bowtie smoking a pipe or drinking whiskey while waxing about Chesterton or Belloc, I groan a little. Same for the Man Up type marketing for diocesan men’s conferences—the soldier/military imagery, the baseball Hall of Fame speakers. I mean, they’re stuck between a rock and a hard place here, so I feel for the planners of these events.

The fact is, though, a lot of men—like myself—don’t fit into these boxes, and it doesn’t make us less of a man. They are shallow, easy stereotypes, so you don’t have to think too much about what actually makes one a Catholic man.

The thing I struggle with as a Catholic man is that cognitive dissonance that comes with being told that “men need other men; iron sharpens iron!” while simultaneously seeing guys who don’t really believe that. It becomes Catholic, Inc. marketing for things like Into the Breach and Battle Ready (TM). For most guys, I would wager, they actually feel that work and family is all a man should really need. And they act accordingly. Why should I pour into my local group, after a number of years doing so, when I can just be like most men I know who are content with working and being with their family?

Most Catholic men’s groups and diocesan initiatives recognize the need for strong men in the Church, but they are impotent to exact the change on a sustainable, year-after-year level, in real fellowship. Maybe that’s just the way things are, the nature of manhood, and to expect otherwise is…well, misguided expectations. Or maybe it’s a Catholic problem, since “fellowship” is often seen as a thing for Protestants. We have the Mass and sacraments—why do we need each other? Maybe we don’t. Maybe it’s true—work, family, and our local parish community should be enough.

I think what it comes down to is this: to the degree that men are not growing in virtue, or loving each other sincerely in fraternal charity, you may be better off not wasting your time.

I think the sad fact is, for many of us men, we are largely on our own. Sometimes we might actually want more but don’t know how to go about forming it. Or maybe it’s just me. If we can find one or two solid men to rely on in our times of need, and be that man to them as well, that’s a plus. But largely, I wouldn’t count on a Catholic men’s group holding up for more than a few years. If it does, consider yourself blessed.

"With St. Joseph’s help, these clergy were saved from death at Dachau" by Ray Cavanaugh

 

02/11/21

The survivors returned each year to Joseph's shrine in gratitude and to pray for their lost comrades ... and for their tormentors.

Dachau.

 

Fr. Blessed Engelmar Hubert Unzeitig, the Angel of Dachau (1911-1945).

 

It was one of the most evil places our world has seen. At the site of an old munitions factory about 10 miles outside of Munich, the Dachau concentration camp began operation on March 10, 1933. It was the first of the infamous Nazi confinement facilities and would have the longest tenure, lasting until April 29, 1945, when U.S. forces liberated the surviving inmates.

Over the course of 12 years, the Dachau camp received more than 200,000 prisoners, about 3,000 of whom were Catholic clergy. Dachau was the most popular confinement setting for clergymen (most of them Roman Catholics, though there were smaller numbers of Protestants and Orthodox Catholics) who had voiced opposition to the Nazi regime.

In April 1945, as Allied forces were about to topple a crumbling Nazi empire, the priests and monks at Dachau were almost certain the Nazi guards were going to round them all up and kill them. On April 22, 1945, these clergymen, the majority of whom were ethnic Poles, consecrated themselves to St. Joseph (husband of Mary, father of Jesus) and vowed that, if they escaped death, they would make a yearly pilgrimage to the St. Joseph Shrine in Kalisz, a city of about 100,000 persons in central Poland.

There was good reason to fear a mass execution: In fact, Reichsführer-SS Heinrich Himmler, the second-most powerful Nazi, had ordered the extermination of all Dachau prisoners on the evening of April 29. However, just a few hours before the Nazis were to undertake a mass execution, the first unit of U.S. soldiers came to liberate the prisoners.

As ensuing U.S. forces arrived, they were accompanied by members of the media. Through words, pictures, and newsreel, these reporters were able to document the almost unreal depravity into which human beings can sink.

The total number of deaths at Dachau was far less than the number at the extermination camps in Nazi-occupied Poland. That said, many thousands of Dachau inhabitants perished, typically through disease and malnutrition. Another cause of death was medical research.

Dachau was a center of Nazi medical experiments, which meant the inmates served as human guinea pigs for procedures that were often as agonizing as they were lethal. Priests were frequent fodder for research conducted by Professor Claus Schilling, who purposely infected his human subjects with malaria in order to assess the effectiveness of various potential methods of treatment.

More ghastly yet was Schilling’s research on the effects of: submersion in near-freezing water, drastic changes in air pressure, consumption of massive amounts of seawater, and the deprivation of food and water altogether.

Even for those who avoided the experiments, Dachau was a torment. Hunger, typhoid, and hard labor were the routine. Other activities consisted of having to prostrate oneself in the mud, with Nazi guards making a point to stomp the heads of those who failed to muddy themselves sufficiently.

Under such conditions, both life and faith still managed to endure. The priests often held Mass surreptitiously. Resources were so deprived that hosts were broken into 20 or more pieces so that everyone present could receive the Eucharist. Also impressive was that the Dachau clergy managed to operate a secret divinity school.

The clergymen (a total of 856 survived, though some had suffered such mistreatment that they were unable to continue their pastoral duties) who emerged from Dachau were convinced that St. Joseph had interceded on their behalf. Fulfilling their promise, each April 29, to commemorate their day of liberation, they visited the St. Joseph Shrine in Kalisz (which was established around the year 1670, soon after a nearby villager credited his recovery from illness to the intercession of St. Joseph).

In 1970, the surviving priests built a Chapel of Martyrdom and Gratitude at Kalisz to commemorate their 1,800 brother clerics who died at the camp. A ceremony to mark the chapel’s completion was attended by then-Cardinal Karol Wojtyła, who later became Pope John Paul II.

As pontiff, His Holiness returned in 1997 to Kalisz, where he commended the remaining Dachau priests for having kept their debt of gratitude to St. Joseph. Aside from expressing gratitude, the priests continued to visit the shrine to pray for those who perished at Dachau. They also prayed for their former tormentors at the concentration camp, such as Prof. Schilling, who was executed by hanging for his atrocities.

As of 2018, the Church has beatified 56 Dachau clergy, and additional cases are under consideration.

 

The original source can be accessed here.

 

Would You Date a Trans Woman? by Fr. Dwight Longenecker

 

A conversation developed on a reality TV show which has now spread to the BBC here in which a “trans woman” named India Willoughby asks a guy if he would date a trans woman. He declines and she (and a good number of viewers) decide that he is “trans-phobic.”

For those readers who are befuddled by this sort of story, a “trans woman” is a biological male who, with the assistance of chemicals and surgery, has altered his appearance to present himself as a woman. India acknowledges the problem she faces:

 

     “all this superficial stuff that you are a woman and all that sounds great and is the right thing to say. But it makes no difference if people don’t believe it – that’s the problem.”

 

Yes. That is the problem, and it indicates a deeper problem in society generally, and that is not only are people confused about who exactly India Willoughby is, we’re increasingly confused about what a man is and what a woman is.

This video illustrates the hilariously sad opinions of college students on the question:

This is a question I ask young people who are coming to prepare for marriage in our parish. I’ll ask the guy, “What is a man?” and the girl, “What is a woman?”

They often seem confused by the question, then they will say something along the lines of, “A man has certain chromosomes and male genitalia.”

“OK. And a woman?”

They’ll reply, “A woman has female chromosomes and breasts and female genitalia.”

Then comes the crunch question. I say, “And what are those breasts for?”

Blushes and maybe giggles then, “To feed babies.”

“Correct answer!” I continue…”and what is the male and female genitalia for?”

“To reproduce.”

“Correct again. Therefore the definition of a man is a father or a potential father and the definition of a woman is a mother or a potential mother.”

We then go on to discuss how being a father or a mother fulfills not only the person’s masculinity or femininity but also because of that, completes their humanity, because we are not created as neutered humanoids. We are created male and female.

It is interesting that feminist theologian Phyllis Zagano, in her book pushing for female deacons, calls for the church to embrace what she calls “a single nature anthropology”. That at the essence of our humanity we are not only equal, but the same. This idea fits neatly with the zeitgeist in which the distinctions between male and female are being obliterated.

What corrects this skewed anthropology? The simplicity of recognizing that a man is a father or potential father and a woman is a mother or a potential mother.

I understand that some feminists will cry, “You want to keep us barefoot and pregnant and in the kitchen!” When G.K.Chesterton was confronted with this argument he said something along the lines of, “Yes. The woman’s place is in the home, but the man’s place is also in the home, and the only reason he leaves home is to work in the world to provide the home.”

On Twitter Fr Matthew Schneider commented about the question of dating a “trans woman”, that if dating were about a man looking for a woman who he might marry and with whom he might have children, then the question would not be whether the man was “trans phobic” or even whether he found the trans woman attractive or not. It wouldn’t even be about whether the man wished to have sex with the trans woman, but it would all be much simpler.  The trans woman doesn’t have a womb therefore the trans woman would not be an eligible candidate for a relationship.

Invariably this brings us back to the question of artificial contraception. Artificial contraception breaks the natural link between the sexual act and procreation.  To quote GKC again, he quipped, “Birth control? No birth. No control.”

Artificial contraception has become part of the culture. Therefore the disassociation of procreation with the sexual act has become part of the culture. People have literally forgotten what sex if for. Therefore they have forgotten what their genitalia are for. No wonder, therefore that they are confused about what a man is and what a woman is.

What is the answer?

The answer is not to fuss and fume and rage against feminism, homosexuality, transgender people and the whole muddled mess. That doesn’t do any good.

The answer is for young Catholic men to look for young Catholic women and hear God’s call to be fathers and mothers–and for this to be their primary vocation. Then, forming strong families they should join strong parishes where there is a joyful, family based community that is pro life in every way. This shining example of true masculinity and true femininity will also be a shining example of true humanity–a humanity that is radiant with joy, with love and with life.

 You can read the original test here. 

5 Child Saints Who Totally Put All of Us Adults to Shame

 by ChurchPOP Editor - Feb 9, 2015

Leon Bloy once wrote: “The only real sadness, the only real failure, the only great tragedy in life, is not to become a saint.”

Indeed, coming closer to God is the whole reason for our existence!

Yet, it can seem so hard. But Jesus has paid the price, and God’s grace is available to us gratuitously. All we have to do is cooperate.

While many of us adults are still works in progress, there are examples of young children who lived such holy lives that, even though they didn’t made it to adulthood, were such great examples of heroic virtue and love of Christ that the Church has canonized them.

Here are a few inspiring examples:

1) St. Dominic Savio – Age 14 - St. Dominic Savio died at the age of 14 in 1857. When he was canonized a saint in 1954 by Pope Pius XII, he was (and remains) the youngest person ever to have been canonized a saint by the Catholic Church without being some sort of martyr.

Born and raised in Italy, Dominic showed signs of sanctity early on. When he was just 4 years old Dominic was frequently found by his parents in solitary prayer. He learned to be an altar boy at age 5, and if he got to the church before the priest unlocked the doors in the morning, he would kneel (in the mud, snow, whatever) until the priest arrived. When he was just 7 years old, he wrote in his journal that he had four rules:

 

1) I will go to Confession often, and as frequently to Holy Communion as my confessor allows.

2) I wish to sanctify the Sundays and festivals in a special manner.

3) My friends shall be Jesus and Mary.

4) Death rather than sin.

 

He happened to attend the school of St. John Bosco, and John became a mentor for Dominic.

As a pre-teen, he experimented with severe physical penances (putting rocks in his bed, wearing a hair shirt, etc), but when his superiors found out, they forbade him from continuing them. Instead, he decided to simply perform all of his duties with as much love and humility as possible, which he summed up with the motto, “I can’t do big things but I want everything to be for the glory of God.” (Remind you of another saint?)

Unfortunately, he contracted a lung disease and died soon after. After he died, John Bosco wrote a biography of Dominic, which was instrumental in Dominic being canonized.

 

 

 2) St. Maria Goretti – Age 11 - St. Maria was the third of seven children in a poor farming family. When she was nine years old, her father died, leaving her family even more destitute. To survive, their family moved in with another family. During the day, most of Maria’s siblings along with their mother would work the fields, while Maria would watch her baby sister, manage the house, and cook meals. It was a hard life, but they were devoted Christians and were close to one another.

One day when Maria was just 11 years old, the 20-year-old son of the family whose house they were sharing, Alessandro, came home early from his work when he knew that she would be alone (except for the infant she was watching). He had asked her to have sex with him twice before and she had always refused. Wanting to rape her now, he brandished a knife and demanded that she submit to him. She refused, telling him that what he wanted to do was mortal sin, and warned him that he could go to hell for it. She fought him, screaming, “No! It is a sin! God does not want it!”

Furious, Alessandro first tried to choke her. When she continued to resist, he stabbed her 11 times. Injured badly but still alive, Maria tried to move toward the door. But he approached her again, stabbed her 3 more times, and then fled.

The baby woke up from the commotion and started crying. When Maria’s mother and Alessandro’s father came to check on the baby, they found Maria and rushed her to the hospital. She explained to her mother and the police what had happened, expressed forgiveness for Alessandro, and died soon after.

Alessandro was captured and sentenced to 30 years in prison. Though he was unrepentant for the first several years, he says that Maria visited him in a dream. Years later when he was released from prison, he apologized and sought forgiveness from Maria’s mother, and received communion the next day. He said he would pray to Maria every day, calling her “his little saint.” Amazingly, he attended Maria’s canonization in 1950 and became a lay brother of the Order of Friars Minor Capuchin.

 

 

3) St. Vitus – Age 7-13? - St. Vitus was born at the end of the 3rd century and was martyred at the beginning of the 4th century as a child. Even though he has been a very popular saint for centuries in certain parts of Europe, that’s pretty much all we know about him for sure.

According to legend, however, Vitus lived in a small town in Italy and was a Christian while he father was a pagan. His father tried to persuade him to leave the faith, but when he refused, he ordered that Vitus be tortured. He survived the torture and fled with his Christian tutors to Rome. Unfortunately, Diocletian was the emperor. Vitus was arrested and tortured again along with his tutors, but remained steadfast in the faith.

Miraculously, before their torturers killed them, they were miraculously transported back to their home town, and died there of their wounds. Three days later, Vitus appeared in a vision to a wealthy woman, who then found their bodies and buried them.

 

 

4) St. Rose of Viterbo – Age 18 - St. Rose of Viterbo died when she was 18, which means she was just on the cusp of adulthood. But her incredible life of holiness during her childhood and teen years show why she deserves to be on this list. Besides, how many of us were saints by the age of 18??

Born around 1233, even as a small child Rose wanted to pray and help the poor. More than that, early on she displayed miraculous gifts. At the age of three, she apparently appeared to bring her aunt back from the dead.

At the age of 7, she decided to live the life of a recluse, closed off from the world most of the time, engaged in prayer and penance. When she was 10, it is said that the Blessed Virgin Mary appeared to her and instructed her to enter the Third Order of St. Francis and to go preach in a nearby town. She entered the order, started wearing a habit, and would walk around town holding a crucifix, exhorting people to live a Christian life faithful to the Catholic Church.

When she was 15, she attempted to found a monastery, but failed. After that, she continued to live a recluse lifestyle, only infrequently going in public, and only to exhort people to penance. Two years later, her town erupted in revolt against the pope. Because she and her family supported the pope, they were exiled. Soon after, though, they were allowed to return.

When she heard that a nearby town was being oppressed by a sorceress, she visited and won the conversion of everyone in the town – including the sorceress. Her method? She stood unharmed for 3 hours in a large fire.

At the age of 18, she died of a heart condition. Within a year, Pope Innocent IV opened the cause for her canonization, which eventually took place in 1457.

 

 

5) St. Agnes of Rome – Age 13 - St. Agnes was born to a noble Christian family in A.D. 291. She was a beautiful young girl and, combined with her noble background, had many suitors. She had intense devotion to her faith however, wished to remain a virgin for the kingdom of God, and showed little interest in the suitors. Offended, some of them reported to the Roman authorities that she was a Christian.

Refusing to renounce her faith, a Roman official ordered that she be stripped naked and dragged through the streets to a brothel. In one version of her story, her hair miraculously grew long and covered her body. At the brothel, any man who tried to rape her was immediately made blind.

Undaunted, she was eventually tried in court and sentenced to death. Soldiers tied to her to stake, but when they lit the fire, she wouldn’t burn. So a Roman officer stabbed her with his sword, finally killing her.